Rethinking Expectations and the Emotional Weight We Place on Young Minds
It was a regular school morning when Aditi walked up to me and said something that shook me a little.
“Ma’am, I’m really stressed. I’m not able to manage my workload. I think I need a break.”
This isn’t just one isolated statement from one child. I hear echoes of this statement from many of my learners 9 and 10 year old's who speak of stress, disappointment, and overwhelm with a weight that doesn’t belong to their age. Even at home, my own son, just like Aditi, has started using such language.
As educators, parents, and responsible adults, we must pause and ask ourselves:
What are we doing to our children?
What kind of childhood are we creating for them?
We think we’re giving them the best, premium education, nutritious food, extracurricular, screen-free routines, and curated resources.
But are they happy?
Do they feel seen, heard, and trusted?
The Invisible Timetable They Carry
Let’s take a look at the daily rhythm of many children today:
Wake up early
Rush to tuitions or sports class
Gulp down a quick sandwich or just a glass of milk
School time, packed with academics and expectations
Return home to more classes
Homework
Then, bedtime (if not too late)
What’s missing in this entire cycle?
Play. Time with pets. Moments of cuddles. Time to be heard.
We’ve filled their lives with “the best” things, but we’ve forgotten to give them “their own space to breathe.”
When Love Turns into Pressure: The Two Extremes of Parenting
As parents, we understand that our expectations are high. But with these expectations,
Are we unknowingly adding an extra load to these young hearts and minds?
Are we killing their happiness, their original smile?
🎯 A Real Classroom Moment That Changed Me
I once had a student named Thara. She was overjoyed to score 25 out of 50 in a language assessment. While that number might seem average to some, her face beamed with pride. When I asked her why she was so happy, she replied,
“Ma’am, I spent a whole day preparing for this with my mother. I usually score in single digits. But this is an improvement for me. I’m celebrating!”
In the same class, there was Siddharth, who scored 37 out of 50, objectively a better score, but he stood quietly near the board, head low. When I asked what was wrong, he whispered,
“My grandmother will scold me. My Amma and Appa won’t be happy with this.”
I asked, “But are you happy with your performance?”
And he said, “Yes, I’m really happy.”
That moment gave me the answer to a question that had been lingering in my heart for months:
Why had Siddharth forgotten to smile at the age of nine? I used to wonder why a child so bright, so thoughtful, wore a face always weighed down. That day, I knew.
"It wasn’t the academics.
It wasn’t his score.
It was the silent burden of needing to prove his worth for love."
Over the years, I’ve observed a pattern:
Many children wear two different faces one at school and one at home. Why? Because some just want to be in the “good books” of those who care for them. They sense the expectations. They want to meet them. Sometimes, this pressure even drives them to lie or manipulate not out of mischief, but from a deep desire to earn love, appreciation, and belonging.
How innocent they are.
We’re pushing these young minds in two opposite ways:
With either too much expectation or no expectation at all.
With helicopter parenting or no involvement.
With overwork or no work.
With constant care or emotional absence.
As today’s generation of parents and caregivers, we often swing to extremes, sometimes out of our own stress and responsibilities, which ironically, are all meant for our children.
From the Lens of NLP: A Gentle Reminder
As an NLP practitioner, I’ve deeply resonated with this presupposition:
“Every behavior has a positive intention.”
Even the stress we cause, the pressure we put, the extra classes we schedule come from our intent to give them the best.
But here’s the truth:
They are not us. They are not adults. They are still growing.
They need to run in the rain, fall off a cycle, build with mud, lie on grass, laugh freely, and explore their own ideas.
They came into this world not to be projected versions of us, but to live their life, in their way, with our support not our control.
So let’s pause. Let’s reflect.
What Your Child Needs Most: Your Belief, Not Just Your Expectations
Let’s loosen the invisible threads of stress and tighten the invisible thread of BELIEF.
Believe that they are capable.
Believe that they are enough.
Believe that they are here to create their own rhythm.
While expectations are natural, what truly matters are what you believe about your child and how you express it. Children thrive when they feel seen, heard, and celebrated for their growth, not someone else’s benchmark.
Here’s a simple guide to help us reflect:
Children celebrate growth. We need to celebrate it with them.
Let’s remember: our children are not competing against each other. They are each growing in their own time, in their own way. When we believe in them, they begin to believe in themselves. And that belief can carry them further than any score ever will.
Above all, believe that our love doesn’t have to come with a performance clause.
✨ Every child deserves to be loved for who they are, not for what they achieve. Let's make sure they know that every single day."
Note: This article reflects my personal experience as an educator and NLP practitioner. Language support was taken from a writing assistant to bring clarity and flow to my reflections.
by
Ms. Mehala Rajendran
IB PYP Facilitator, Erode
The Indian Public School
Wow, that was so well said… it really hit me, not just as a teacher, but on a personal level too. As a parent, it makes me stop and think— am I showering love on my kids, or giving them stress in the name of love?
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